The bathroom. It’s the room of stink, the room of cum stains, and, somewhat ironically, the room of both toilets for shitting and showers for cleaning. It is, however, an essential component to mankind. Here’s why.
Bathrooms are safehavens.
See, the bathroom, though disgusting in it’s utilization, is also a safehaven for many. Say you’re in an awkward situation; the in-laws are over, your grandma telling you – the only liberal in your Southern family – about how Obama is the devil, your friend and his girlfriend are making out on the sofa, you take your pick. Point is, it’s just fucking awkward. So you politely excuse yourself to the bathroom for a few minutes to recoup. That bathroom just became your safehaven.
Bathrooms provide protection.
You live in Kansas and a tornado comes ripping through your town. No, you don’t do some Dorothy shit and start singing Somewhere Over the Rainbow at the top of your lungs. That’s fucking stupid. Instead, you go to the bathroom, because it’s a small and closed off room in the middle of your house, right? Many a bathroom are. Anyways, you go to the the bathroom, which protects you from the tornado. Granted, there’s the risk of a pipe breaking, which would result in flying turds and piss, but the shower is right there, in the same room, at your disposal. You’ll be okay.
Philosophers philosophize while shitting.
While there’s no evidence to support that last statement, it’s obvious. Even the everyday commoners have epiphanies in the bathroom. It just happens. You go in there, drop your pants, sit down, and as the black or brown or green (or whatever the fuck color you have) goo starts sliding out your ass, you stare at the wall in front of you and just think. And think. And think. And as you shit, your brain begins to build a web of connections and realizations, and just as that last turd falls and splashes water up into your crack, everything clicks into place. Bam. Just like that.
Everyone’s gotta shit.
And the bathroom sure beats the outhouse any day. Quit your bitching.
